“Yes but you… how were you dressed?”. If violence against women was a sentence

Pointing the finger at a woman's clothing to seek unlikely mitigating circumstances for the benefit of those who perpetrate violence . For this reason, the exhibition "Com'eri vestita", proposed several times in recent years by Cerchi d'Acqua, intends to underline the cultural and ethical importance of intervening on a serious prejudice that is very hard to die. Cerchi d'Acqua, an association founded in 2000 and very committed in the territory to combating violence against women, is part of the Network of Women's Houses and Anti-Violence Centers of Lombardy and is a founding member of DiRe. (Women in Network Against Violence) . The reception facility can count on a work team composed of specialized consultants and people with experience in many professional fields.

"How were you dressed?", but also "SHE" , represent in our country a very effective vehicle for raising awareness to ensure that the clothes worn by victims during violent episodes are able to tell often shocking stories, but precisely for this reason aimed at communicating to the world how many and what risks every woman can innocently run every day.

Answering Luce!'s questions is Paola Conversano, a reception operator at Cerchi d'Acqua.

Paola, what is the primary goal of Cerchi d'Acqua?

“The primary objective of Cerchi d'Acqua is to support women in their journey to escape from episodes of violence and at the same time contribute to a general cultural change so that in an ideal future gender violence, or rather violence by men against women, no longer exists."

The ongoing violence against women tells us that our country definitely needs to grow.

"This type of problem, which is especially Italian, has at the same time universal connotations. According to data from the World Health Organization, one in three women experiences a similar situation in her life. In reality, it should not be forgotten that violence by men against women cannot be reduced only to physical violence or femicide, even if they are very often the first to attract the attention of the media. Unfortunately, there is also a type of psychological, economic, sexual violence, without neglecting all forms of stalking and the new threats coming from the digital world."

The clothing exhibition highlights a whole series of hard-to-die stereotypes. What is the spirit of this initiative?

“Cerchi d'Acqua and anti-violence centers in general work to change culture. “How were you dressed?” wants to highlight one of the many stereotypes that concern women. A question that is practically always asked of those women who have experienced the drama of sexual violence. Many court reports tell how questions of this kind have been asked of women who had the courage to report their bad experiences. The exhibition takes inspiration from the beautiful poem by Mary Simmerling 'What was I wearing' which ends by saying: 'I also remember what he was wearing that night even if in truth no one ever asked this”.

In your opinion, what is the difference between freedom and common sense?

“As a woman I know that I must be free to act and behave as I feel and as I believe is right. I cannot be judged because I went out at night, because I drank or because I was wearing a miniskirt. Consent is the key word. A word that is often forgotten. At this point I would like to underline that Italian law provides that in the case of violence, the fact of not being in full possession of one's mental faculties is not a mitigating factor, but rather an aggravating factor”.

Who are the female categories generally most exposed to violence?

“Unfortunately, violence is a transversal phenomenon. Public opinion often believes that it is a phenomenon linked only to ignorance, poverty, while unfortunately very often the protagonists of these sad stories belong to all possible social classes. It is a fact that we can observe every day in our anti-violence center to which an average of 550 women turn each year. And this is only in Milan and only in our country. However, it is assumed that the phenomenon is even more widespread because not all women who experience a situation of abuse report it, due to a series of conditioning and cultural inhibitions”.

Have you achieved successes while avoiding the worst in certain circumstances?

"In 25 years of activity, we have certainly achieved "successes" in the sense that we have helped many women to find the strength they had lost in humiliating relationships. This is why we are part of the Anti-Violence Network of the Municipality of Milan in connection with those who, for example, have the right to a secret address when it is necessary to move away from the old environment".

Why does the Italian male, however young, still mistake love for possession?

“Centuries of dominance leave their mark. ‘You are mine’ is a phrase that entire generations have grown up with, and ideas so deeply rooted have a hard time dying.”

Do you foresee a desirable, future, improvement in the state of affairs?

“To tell the truth, the hope would be that we, at the Center, would one day find ourselves completely unemployed. There is no doubt that all anti-violence centers should be supported more by the government and by politics. These are projects born from the struggles of intelligent feminists who can boast a great deal of experience aimed at really giving a concrete hand to women, also impressing a decisive cultural change in the society in which we live”.